The "One Size Fits Most" Halloween Costume
A few years after university, I got a same-day invitation to attend a Halloween party with a friend. Halloween parties are always so much fun. People take on different personas, abandoning everyday looks all in the name of fun. Everyone gets creative with their costumes and there is always good food. There was only one problem with this invitation. I didn’t have a Halloween costume and didn’t want to piece together a lame one at home.
I rushed to the store, climbing over wigs, masks and broken wands strewn all over the floor from the last-minute costume rush. The selection was really picked over. My shoulders sank when I saw I was left with one option: a modest French Maid’s costume. If I were to list my top 100 Halloween costumes, a French Maid’s costume wouldn’t end up on the list at all. Fortunately, this one had good coverage and wasn’t risqué. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I was out of time and options.
I started flipping the through the racks to find my size – and saw there were no sizes. Just the tag “One size fits most.” “Of course not,” I muttered under my breath. How is that even possible? People come in all heights, weights, shapes and sizes. It doesn’t seem like one costume could serve most the same way a pair of jeans allegedly fit each member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (which we all know didn’t happen no matter how hard that movie tried). I grabbed the costume and hoped it would be fine. The point of Halloween is to have fun dressing up as something different, and this costume definitely achieved that.
“One size fits most” apparently means it will “mostly fit” you. When I got home and put it on, it technically fit in that I could put it on over my head and body. It simultaneously managed to be too loose in the waist and too tight in the arms. The dress made a weird sound when I walked – the same sound that corduroy pants make when you walk: vvvpppp, vvvpppp. The crinoline under the skirt itched like I had rolled in a pile of red ants. I figured I would forget about it after a few minutes and set off for the party.
That costume was my villain all night, annoying me and making its presence known. The elastic sleeves cut into my arms. The crinoline moved each time the waist moved, causing more itching. The costume taunted me all night and reminded me that I was pretending to be something I wasn’t. Each time I moved, I heard the dress whisper “Not you, not you, not you.”
In leadership, one size does not fit most. There isn’t a leadership model or a set of competencies that depict the ideal leader and any that claim there is are wrong. When we all try to act the same or follow the same model, we only negate our unique differences and dull our strengths. Leaders face this when encountering situations outcome of their comfort zones.
The first rule of leadership is to know thyself and a clear understanding of what you value. Know what strengthens and weakens you. When your buttons get pushed. What your best work days look like and why. Where you move quickly or are slow to act. Knowing your tendencies as a leader helps you figure out how to respond vs. react when facing a new situation. You will lead others through your personal preferences for things like communicating, making decisions or leveraging data. Becoming aware of your preferences lets you check when they are meaningful to others and when you should flex.
Leaders bring the best out of others by understanding individual strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities to assemble diverse teams. Challenging them and creating runway achieving outcomes. To do that well, you have to combine your understanding of yourself with understanding each of your team members. Can you name at least one strength for each of your employees? What pushes their buttons? What motivates them? What their ideal day at work is and how to create more of them? How they prefer to be communicated with? What meaningful recognition looks like? Schedule a get-to-know conversation with your employees to understand what they value and how to help them be their best. Demonstrate you care about what is important to them.
Don’t expect your employees to behave as you do. A Halloween party is fun because everyone uses their creativity and shows up different. If everyone showed up in the same costume, it wouldn’t have the same excitement. The same happens on teams. Encourage everyone to bring their unique perspective and ideas and call upon them often. Pay attention to what your team members naturally gravitate towards with excitement and energy. Give them the desired outcomes and let them determine how they will achieve them. Leadership isn’t about sameness; it is about differences. Different leadership approaches bring out the unique strengths of teams and enable them to deliver outcomes.
I ended up donating that Halloween costume; I was ready to return to myself. One size did not fit most. My energy was drained focusing on being someone I wasn’t, leaving me with little left to be myself. I still love a good Halloween party and costume. But now I choose costumes that are my size.
***
Want to receive more articles like this one? Sign up for Brain Food here.
