Better Than Yesterday
Sonia was out walking her dog one evening when she ran into her neighbor Paul.
After a few minutes of chatting about the weather and why their neighbor planted plastic plants in her yard, they started talking about their families.
Paul asked Sonia how she and her husband were juggling two young kids, life and work all at the same time. Sonia laughed and said it was harder and more beautiful than she ever expected. Then she admitted she took the dog for long walks to get a break at night.
Paul said, "Don't wait for the 25%."
"25% of what" Sonia asked?
"My wife and I were best friends when we got married 30 years ago and started a family five years later. We focused all our time, energy, and brain power into raising our kids. We didn't realize we slowly started losing our foundation. Each year, we drifted apart one percent. We forgot to cultivate our relationship. Our kids were our priority and there were only so many hours in the day.
A few years ago, our youngest child graduated high school. We got home from dropping him off at university and stood there looking at each other. We didn’t know who we were to each other or how to be a couple without children at home. That one percent drifting apart had accumulated to 25%. It wasn't that we didn't like each other. It was that our relationship was the by-product.
We had to get to know each other again. We began dating and working to close that gap. It would have been much easier if we made it a point to close that one percent each year. Being one percent better is a whole lot easier than trying to be 25% better.
Learn from my lesson - don’t wait 25 years before you realize those one percent gaps accumulate each year. Work to close them and keep them closed.”
Sonia thanked him, and they exchanged goodbyes. Paul tipped his hat and headed back towards his home.
Woah, right? That is what I thought as Sonia told me the story.
How often have you been in a situation and focused on the 25% improvement, overlooking the small things needed to achieve that?
What if this story is exactly what is backwards and wrong about development? What if we are so focused on the outcome of transformation, or being 25, 50, 75% better that we overlook the many steps to get there. Isn’t that why most goals are abandoned early? They feel too big and gnarly? It’s hard to see any progress? Especially if we haven’t taken the time to define “What will I do today to help me move forward towards that?”
We don’t change in 25% chunks.
We grow and develop through habits and intentions, one percent at a time. Putting one foot in front of the other. Stringing together a bunch of consistent, daily improvements until we notice results.
You often hear the reason why goals, resolutions or culture changes fail is because outcomes aren’t specific enough. I don’t think that is true. People generally know what they want. What isn’t specific enough are the smaller steps needed to get there. What will I do today, tomorrow, this week and next week to make sure I improve?
It has been hard to notice progress this year. Goals were abandoned and demolished. And yet, progress has been made, one percent at a time. Maybe you didn’t crush your professional or fitness goals. Yet, growth happened in ways we needed. Families got more time together to appreciate sweet moments. People organized or remodeled parts of their home or learned how to make bread. Some checked in on neighbors, found new charities to support and navigated teaching their kids while working. People connected virtually, reuniting with old friends or making new ones. Many gained clarity for what is important or unsustainable. On New Year’s Day we joked 2020 was going to give us clarity of vision. In a weird way, it did.
I love hiking. One of my favorite hikes takes eight hours in the White Mountains of New England. It is a loop connecting three mountains: Mount Lafayette, Mount Lincoln and Little Haystack. There are water crossings, rock scrambles and a lot of uphill winding trails worn through trees and ferns. I’d always feel overwhelmed standing at the trailhead at the base of the mountains. I’d inhale deep breaths of spruce trees and wonder how I would ever make it up, across each peak and down. Then I reminded myself “literally one step at a time.” While a step doesn’t feel like progress, string them together and you are summiting mountains.
One percent improvement may not feel like enough. Have you ever read a book or watched a tv series you thought was moving too slow? Then someone tells you to hang in there. It gets noticeably better? This is the same idea.
If you decided to decrease your screen time, you might start with one minute less each day. Totally achievable. Lower it by one minute each day and after a month, you've cut out 30 minutes of screen time and created new habits. The same thing applies with leadership behaviors or shaping culture. Set yourself up for success. Each step counts.
True transformations take a good year... achieved by consistently putting one foot in front of the other. When you are consistently better than yesterday, one percent at a time, in a month, you may have 25 – 30% improvement in a given area. Those are odds I would take every time.
Instead of focusing on all the things that didn't happen for you this year, focus on all the wins. Celebrate all the percentages you improved this year. When you look forward, set your outcomes, but don’t focus on the 50% improvement. Focus on the one percent to make progress.
Be better than yesterday.
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P.S. Want some tips? Watch this two minute video on why I believe Marie Kondo has a junk drawer, Simon Sinek struggles with why and Tony Robbins gets in a funk.
