The Back Pocket Story
How do you plan ahead to have a story ready for social settings?
My friend Don and I were having a breakfast meeting the other week.
He was in town for a client meeting where he was to be the “entertainment.”
Don had just arrived home from a week-long business trip when his partner texted him:
“I really need you to come to the meeting next week with the client. We’ve hit some speed bumps in the project, and this is a chance to rebuild trust. This is a relationship meeting, and it will go so much better with you there. We need some energy and whatever you do that makes everyone glad to be there.”
I started laughing as Don described the situation.
He is THE first person you would invite to a party or dinner.
The center of conversations, he always makes everyone laugh – sometimes at him, sometimes with him.
His brain is always four steps ahead with a joke or a story.
Just like an improv actor, give him any topic and step back.
He will whirr it into a three-minute entertaining monologue, becoming an introvert’s dream.
The more energy he gets from others, the more entertaining he becomes, taking pressure off others figuring out what to say.
Of course Don’s partners wanted him in this meeting.
He would save them from awkward silences where no one is speaking aloud, but internally are willing themselves for anything to say.
Where mumbles about the weather are quickly followed by counting the seconds until you can leave.
Especially painful for introverts who are going to get their best idea as they reflect ten minutes after the meeting ends.
The more uncomfortable the situation, the harder it is to come up with something to say.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
What Don’s partners missed is that they didn’t need him. They needed a back pocket story.
There is one story every person should be able to tell.
I am not talking about your “why” or origin story.
It isn’t the story about how you met a significant other, breaking your arm in the fifth grade, or what happened to make you afraid of clowns.
This is the story you use when facing awkward silences over dinners or zoom when getting to know people.
You may have heard me describe that I don’t believe that there are four types of stories you need to be able to tell.
I still don’t.
They aren’t authentic.
But I do believe everyone should have a back pocket story.
Back pocket stories don’t have to be personal, and you don’t have to build an idea with them.
The whole goal of a back pocket story may be to build rapport and break the ice.
And most importantly, the very act of telling a story increases trust in the listener and makes them more open.
It also gives them more credibility.
If Don’s partners had a back pocket story, they would have strengthened the relationship with the client and wouldn’t have to keep calling him in for entertainment.
They would have an easier, more comfortable time in their future interactions with the client.
It just requires a bit of preparation.
It can be hard to think of a story in the moment.
You want to plan for this, so you don’t struggle with what to say.
This could be about an article you read or a podcast episode.
This could be “A funny thing happened to me the other day…”
The only requirement for the back pocket story is that it should be something that is of interest to you.
I was once suffering through a business dinner with one of these awkward moments.
You know the type where every other table in the restaurant is having raucous laughter and your table is so quiet, you can hear the ice cracking in glasses?
One of the dinner guests began telling a story about unexpectedly encountering a fox in his backyard.
This shifted the energy of the group and the dinner.
He didn’t even get to finish telling the story.
We began asking him questions and the conversation took over.
The dinner was saved, all because of his back pocket story.
Want to know one of my current back pocket stories?
It came from a conversation with a client.
Did you know that origami has influenced air bag design?
An airbag is supposed to inflate in milliseconds, moving the person backwards.
Timing is key.
Which all comes down to how it is folded.
Robert Lang, NASA physicist turned origami artist, set out to figure out how to perfectly fold airbags.
He used principles from origami to determine how to fold them so they are flat, could be stored inside steering wheels and side compartments – and still perform as needed.
In fact, origami has inspired all sorts of mechanical engineering.
Another back pocket story of mine is about recent research that found that heart rates synchronize when people listen to stories together.
Fascinating, right?
It makes you want to hear more – and voila – the awkward moment is gone.
I keep a few different back pocket stories ready, taking note of things that intrigue me: the origin of products or services, a funny moment or experience, describing a TikTok I watched, or recounting something I recently heard on a podcast.
These back pocket stories are often the items people bring back up to me weeks or months later.
They not only break the ice, but they also help build connections.
Plan ahead, before you need one.
Think if you have a personal story or experience to share.
Scan headlines and read your favorite publications.
Be curious and take note of what captures your attention.
Once you have an idea, frame out the beginning, middle and end of the story with a sentence for each.
Then slide it into your back pocket and pull it out whenever necessary.
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p.s. Are you looking to learn how to tell great stories or create a storytelling culture in your organization? Click here for more information about the storytelling services we offer for individuals and corporations.
