Don't Let Your Phone Steal Your Best Moment
When Dylan agreed to be the best man at his friend’s wedding, one thing loomed over his head: the toast. He felt the pressure of finding the perfect words to celebrate his friend, the couple, and the occasion.
Dylan was uncomfortable speaking in front of a large group, so he spent weeks preparing. He bought a book on toasts to help him find the right balance between humor and heartfelt moments. He wrote and rewrote his speech. Every day, he practiced it several times. He even created small notes on index cards so he wouldn’t forget anything he wanted to say.
He was prepared.
Then, on the day of the wedding, Dylan made a small change. He moved the notes from the index cards to his phone.
His reasoning made sense. His phone was already going to be in his pocket, which meant one less thing to keep track of. But that small decision changed how he showed up when it was time to speak.
Don’t be like Dylan.
Your Notes Are Part of Your Presence
There is a surprisingly big difference in how a speaker comes across holding a few index cards versus looking down at a phone, even when the words are identical.
Think about award shows. When an actor or musician steps up to accept an award, it’s common to see them glance at a small card with their remarks. It communicates something: I thought about what I wanted to say.
When that same person looks down at a phone instead, it gives off a very different impression. It can look like the speech was written in the car on the way there.
Two things are doing the work here.
First, we associate phones with scrolling, texting, and checking notifications, regardless of what the speaker is actually doing in that moment. A notecard doesn’t carry that baggage, and the audience can’t misread it as distraction.
Second, eye contact rhythm is different between phones and index cards. A glance down at text on a card takes a fraction of a second. Reading from a phone screen, especially if you’re scrolling to find your place, requires more time looking down. It produces the same feeling we get when we’re mid-conversation with someone and they look down at their phone. We wonder if they’re still with us. It creates distance at the exact moment you’re trying to create connection.
That’s also why television hosts often use cards with the show’s logo for questions or talking points. The cards are visible, deliberate, and designed to support the conversation without becoming the focus. Your notes should do the same thing: you remember what to say without separating you from the audience.
This matters whether you’re giving a presentation, accepting an award, giving a wedding toast or eulogy, or saying a few words in a meeting. The audience should feel like you’re talking to them, not at them.
What If I Forget What I Want to Say?
This is where people often make the wrong tradeoff. They worry that without every word in front of them, they’ll forget a sentence, lose their place, or draw a complete blank. So they put the entire speech on their phone and read from it.
That may feel safer, but it also makes you more dependent on the exact words. The goal isn’t to memorize a speech word-for-word. I generally discourage relying on a script when speaking. A script can be useful during preparation, helping organize your thinking and planning what to say. But when you deliver it live, you’re sharing ideas, not reciting sentences.
Instead, your notes should contain the key points, not the paragraphs. For a short toast, that might be a few words on a card:
Opening story
When I met them and what I learned from them
What they mean to me
Wish for their future
The card’s job is to prompt your memory, not give you something to read aloud. The distinction is what gives you freedom in the moment. You can respond to the room, pause for laughter, get emotional, or change what you planned to say because something more natural comes to mind.
You can be a person talking to people.
Give Yourself a Safety Net, Not a Script.
There’s nothing wrong with using notes. I often recommend my clients use them specifically to get over the fear of blanking or forgetting a key point. What matters is what the notes are doing for you. A script says, “Here are the words I must say.” A notecard of ideas says, ‘Here are the things I want to remember.”
That difference matters more than most people think. Your audience will never know if you used a different word or phrase than originally planned. They won’t care if you stumble over a sentence. But they will notice whether you’re present with them.
That is ultimately what Dylan’s phone took away from him. He had done the hard work. He knew what he wanted to say and had practiced it. He just moved his notes to a place that made it harder to connect with the people he was speaking to.
If Dylan had kept his notes on index cards, he would have looked up more, paused instead of scrolled, and let the moment breathe. The guest wouldn’t have noticed the cards, they would have noticed him.
So prepare. Write the speech, rewrite it, practice it, know your opening and closing, and put the essential ideas on notecards. Then leave your phone in your pocket.
Make the people in the room feel like you’re talking to them.
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Karen Eber is an award-winning author, TED speaker, and storytelling keynote speaker. She is the author of The Perfect Story and her TED Talk on how the brain responds to stories has been viewed more than 2.25 million times. As CEO and Chief Storyteller of Eber Leadership Group, she helps leaders communicate ideas that inform, influence, and inspire.
