Gray’s Anatomy: How to Structure a Message the Brain Can't Resist

The other day, I was helping a client build a new keynote. He outlined his key ideas and the structure he envisioned. As I listened, I realized something was missing. It’s what I call: “The lady doth protest too much” moment.

 
Over the years, I learned to spot this moment in audiences. It comes after the idea is introduced and a new way of thinking begins to land. Heads nod in agreement. But somewhere buried in that is a mental pushback. The audience is silently debating how, or if they can apply what they’ve just heard. Then someone voices it out loud:  

“What you say makes sense, and I get it. But it’s easy for you to tell a compelling story. I can’t do that because (insert excuse).”

You can swap out “tell a compelling story” for anything else: implement a fitness program, establish wellness practices, navigate conflict, sell a product, or build trust. The same pattern repeats. People look for excuses and resist. Not because they disagree, but because they don’t see how to do it.

 
When something feels hard or we can’t see the steps or the energy required, the brain fills the gap with excuses. Not out of laziness, but to cope with ambiguity. That in-between space, the fuzzy, uncomfortable gray is where people get stuck. It’s the place between knowing what they want to do and knowing how to do it.
 

This is the anatomy of the gray. It’s the space that must be crossed to get a different outcome.
 

Some TED Talks fall flat right here. They offer a brilliant idea, but don’t help the audience cross that space into action. Inspiration alone isn’t enough. You need to show people the steps to take.
 
 
People say change is hard. But I don’t think that’s true. Change is easy. Deciding to change is the hard part. That decision happens only after the mental protests quiet down and the past forward feels less overwhelming. That’s why when I work with TEDx speakers or leaders on keynotes and presentations, we start with the gray and build backwards.
 

Think about those inspiring stories we hear from Olympians or keynotes speakers who’ve overcome enormous adversity. They describe unimaginable challenges and their triumphant comebacks. As the audience, we are moved. But we also distance ourselves. A little voice in the back of your head begins to whisper, “That’s them. I could never do that. I’m not an Olympian. I’ve never faced those challenges.”


As inspiring as those stories are, they often miss the mark in helping people apply the lessons to their own lives. The message becomes aspirational instead of actionable. When the gap between the idea and the step feels too wide, excuses flood in.
 

Here’s how I help people bridge those gaps:
 
1. Build the Idea and Its Impact
Start by building the idea and connecting your audience to what is possible. Help them envision the impact. This opens them up to the idea of change before you ask them to take any steps.
 
Start with my four questions to define your audience:

• What do you want them to think and feel?

• What do you want them to know or do?

• What is their current mindset about your idea?

• What obstacles might prevent them from thinking, feeling, knowing or doing something new?

 
 
2. Lean into Common Protests
Next, build a list of the most common objections. What questions, doubts, or fears do people have when they encounter your message?  These are the mental arguments people have that emerge as excuses. Sometimes this is as simple as asking yourself, Why is this hard? Then build your message to address these reasons head-on.
 
When I wrote The Perfect Story, I built a long list of these. I then addressed them within each chapter to make it easier for people to cross the gray. Each one became a doorway into the content.

• I can’t find ideas for stories.

• I don’t know how to tell a story.

• I need to share data, not stories.

• I don’t know when to tell a story.

• I don’t know what makes a great story.

• I’m not sure who will be in the audience.

• No one else tells stories when presenting.

• I don’t want my story to feel manipulative.

• I am not comfortable with public speaking.

• I don’t know what length to make my story.

• I don’t want to overshare personal information.

• I don’t know how to tell a story that doesn’t ramble.

 
 
3. Break Down the Steps to Cross the Gray
Finally, give people a clear path forward to help them cross the gray. Break down the steps to achieve the outcome. This may involve sharing a process or methodology. Or it could include chunking the protests into categories and sharing steps for each. Provide enough steps to build momentum but not so many that it feels unachievable, leaving them trapped in the gray quicksand.
 

The next time you’re building a message, design for the anatomy of the gray. Build the idea. Name the protest. Then guide them through the gray.

 
That’s the structure the brain can’t resist.

 

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When you're ready, there are three ways we can work together:

1. Speaking and Workshops
From building awareness to applying new skills, I work directly with your group to build the insights and tools they need to become memorable, influential communicators and leaders.


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Need support identifying the story of your culture and transforming it? Want to align your business, talent, and culture strategies? Have a new team or one that needs an offsite to tackle key challenges? Looking to evolve your performance management or leadership development? I partner with you to design custom experiences that drive the outcomes you're aiming for. 

  
3. Strategic Coaching: 
Whether you have a leader preparing for a high-stakes presentation (e.g., TEDx, Board presentation, All-hands meeting) or a team developing a toolkit of stories to support your  culture, brand, or sales efforts, I work hands-on with individuals or small groups to craft content that informs, influences, and inspires.

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