Forget Your Why
“I’m frequently asked, “What experience led you to become a keynote speaker? There is this expectation that every speaker has overcome some life-threatening challenge, and I don’t have one. I fear it means I won’t be viewed as good a speaker as the person who climbed Mount Everest.”
A podcast host said this to me last fall. He was grappling with how to be a compelling speaker without one of these gripping personal origin stories. Replace “keynote speaker” with “business owner” or “leader” and we all struggle with versions of the question: How do I motivate and inspire others?
There is this unspoken expectation that you must have some momentous origin story. But for many people, there isn’t one. Many businesses start without a life-long desire or moment of calling. Often, it’s as simple as the traditional path no longer served the founders, so they created their own. Sayings like, “Do what you love, and you never work a day in your life,” are cliché for a reason. They are complete phooey.
I blame Simon Sinek for this. People are convinced that we have to be driven by a larger “Why” that is so profound that it makes the earth below us quake from the depth of our purpose. But that’s not true.
I opened my company six years ago simply because I chose “none of the above.” I wanted to move on from GE and didn’t want to go do similar roles in other companies. There was never a profound moment or life-long dream to own a company. I wanted something different, so I created it.
I’ve worked on four continents and have over two million views on my TED Talk. My book was selected as a Next Big Ideas Club must-read and was recognized as an independent bookstore best-seller. I’ve given keynotes all over the globe, provided advising and workshops for Fortune 500 companies, and been featured on 75+ podcasts and 15 articles over the past year.
My success has nothing to do with a “why.” It came from focusing on what I was seeing, breaking it down in meaningful ways, and helping people learn what they could do differently. I may not have climbed Everest, but I get messages every week from people all over the world who share how my TED Talk or book helped them.
Why We Are Fascinated with BIG Stories
There’s a reason stories of people summiting Everest or surviving a plane crash are gripping. We can’t help but think, “What would I have done in this situation?” It’s the same thing we experience when hearing the news of someone suddenly passing away or being diagnosed with a significant illness. It sends our brains into the scenario planning it loves to do at 3:33 am, “Could this happen to me? How would I respond?” We try to imagine that reality and compare it to our experiences.
The same thing happens when someone describes why they started their company or gives an inspiring talk. It prompts the “What would I do?” thought pattern. Learning about a different path feels BIG. We can’t see all the steps involved and often experience the, “I could never do that” feeling.
The more intense the events, the more empathy we feel toward the person. We experience the release of oxytocin and dopamine as a sense of connection and trust grows toward them. Those neurochemicals are the reason why hearing a speaker talk about summiting Everest while blind in one eye feels awe-inspiring.
Fighter pilots and gold-medal Paralympians aren’t the only ones who can create those emotions. You can create the same impact by connecting people to the smaller moments of frustrations, challenges, and aspirations experienced in everyday moments.
Why You Don’t Need an Origin Story
Businesses evolve quarterly. Even if the products and services haven’t changed, the context of the pain points, challenges, and aspirations of customers and clients have. If Amazon only told its origin story, it would describe selling books. But now, you can buy a refrigerator there. Origin stories are meaningful when you start, but quickly become dated as your business evolves and your customer base expands.
I started my business before the pandemic. The perspectives on leadership, culture, and even storytelling were different. If I talked about my business as I did in 2019, it would feel dated and ignorant. What is important is how I help clients face their challenges today.
Origin stories limit how customers see themselves. These stories focus on you and your challenges. It’s a selfish story that doesn’t let the customer see themselves in it. Humans respond to messages that connect them to the things that they want to be, do, or have. They can’t feel that when a message is centered on you and not them.
Origin stories are often too broad. Rarely will one story capture the nuances of the problems that you help solve. Start-ups make the mistake of spending time trying to perfect their company story – but one story is too general, diluted, and not specific to your audience. Tell a story about a specific moment where a client was frustrated or stuck and you’ll capture their attention.
Tell These Stories Instead of an Origin Story
Put Them in the Starring Role
Tell stories that describe the things your audience struggles with. Help them see others grapple with the same things. These stories give a name to the things they think about late at night. You know you’ve done this well when people say, “I feel like you were talking about me in that story.”
Look Around Corners
Raise their awareness toward the next-level problems they should watch for as they grow. Help them recognize when they encounter one and what they can do about it. If your company develops managers, share next-level stories about managers struggling with delegation or communicating a vision, and how you’ve helped them.
Marinate in Discomfort
What are the irritating problems and pain points they avoid addressing? Clients are often unsure how to start these or are convinced they’ll take time or energy. Focus on the discomfort of these moments and demonstrate how they can be resolved. If your business organizes closets, share stories about the frustration and time wasted because of not being able to find what is needed. Describe the process for putting a system and structure in place that results in relief.
I’ll Have What She’s Having
We make purchases based on what we want to become, what we want to do, or what we desire. It’s these aspirations that we are frequently buying, not just the products themselves. Buying a bookshelf isn’t just buying a place to store books. It’s the feeling of being organized. Investing in coaching services can help someone replace the feeling of being an imposter with an expert. Tell stories that connect your audience to their aspirations.
As you tell these stories, you are helping the audience visualize their own experiences. Keep them in that mindset. End on your audience. The way they feel at the end of the story influences their actions. Don’t interrupt that free mental commercial playing in their head by shifting the focus to yourself. As you wind down, center on them and what you want them to take away.
When you tell these specific stories, you create the same neurochemical response as the “BIG” stories. Your potential customers will recognize their pain points and challenges in your stories as though you are speaking directly to them, and you’ll gain their trust.
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