I Am An FBI Agent*
How do you use stories to inform and influence behavior?
Almost ten years ago, I was launching a course on Negotiations and Influence for the owners of a professional services firm.
The challenge was getting them to step away for a day and learn.
I learned two things that would make them eagerly show up.
The content had to be interactive and top-notch.
And the course had to have the “cool” factor.
Something that would make you see it in the description and say “Ooooo, I want to go to THAT.”
Like when you see that George Clooney is speaking at a conference.
Except I didn’t have George Clooney money.
So, I came up with the next best thing.
We were running two pilots of the course to test content and make improvements.
A different hostage negotiator was invited to each one.
One session included Gary, a hostage negotiator from the FBI.
The other was Jack, from the New York Police Department.
Cool, right?
These men joined the group over dinner to describe how they used the same skills the participants learned that day.
This gave them a relaxed setting to share stories.
Because why not hold everyone hostage to a meal?
The hostage negotiators had rich experience.
The kind that ends up in national headlines.
They each shared incredible stories about standoffs in Waco, Texas or events that became the movie Dog Day Afternoon.
I had no clue what it was like to be a hostage negotiator beyond what you see in movies.
And it was still different from what I expected.
Hostage standoffs are high stakes situations.
Every move is careful and calculated.
Anything unexpected or pressuring may result in harm to the hostages.
The more tense it gets, the calmer the hostage negotiator becomes.
They are the peace broker.
Their goal is to win the trust of the hostage taker and negotiate a safe ending for everyone.
Jack and Gary each described cutting through the tension to create calm.
They want to slow things and de-escalate the situation.
The more time they have, the better the chance they have of winning trust and making progress.
How do they do that?
Through storytelling.
Hostage negotiators try to learn as much as they can about the hostage taker.
They are curious, expressing compassion and empathy without judgement to open up communication.
They seek to understand the person: where they grew up, the challenges they face and how life has hit them hard. Negotiators even share stories about their lives to build rapport.
They know stories are a powerful way to connect in these tense moments.
They will build trust and increase the chance of influencing outcomes.
Their role is to find ways to connect and help the hostage taker feel heard and understood, even when they don’t agree with them.
All this happens while SWAT teams are moving closer, trying to secure the environment.
Negotiators are in the middle – negotiating both sides.
As they work to earn the trust of the taker, they are trying to get their colleagues to back off and give them time.
Any rushed move puts pressure on the hostage taker, breaks progress, and makes negotiations obsolete.
In many ways, the hostage negotiator is the eye of a hurricane – the calm while everything is swirling around them.
Participants were fascinated with the negotiators as they listened to the stories.
Many admitted they signed up for the class just to get to hear from these hostage negotiators.
The stories shared were gripping.
Listening to a firsthand account of someone who was negotiating for a person’s life makes the air in the room thick.
Even though these men were warm, friendly, and smiling, you could feel the weight of these situations.
People swallowed hard and eyes widened as they listened to each story.
Jack described his mindset any time he walked into a situation.
Using that dinner as an example, he described needing to pick his seat first.
He couldn’t sit with his back to the door.
He needed the seat that let him jump up and protect others if anything happened.
And just like Jason Bourne describes, he knows the exits in any room, who is in the surrounding area, and any identifiable markers like license plate numbers.
It was fascinating.
but the whole thing flopped.
Instead of recognizing the negotiators use the same de-escalation techniques that they had learned earlier in the day, participants thought “What I do is NOTHING like this.
I am not negotiating for someone’s life. I am negotiating terms or a scope of work!”
The first rule of storytelling was missing: start with your audience, not the story.
Just hearing the hostage negotiators tell the story wasn’t enough.
They couldn’t relate the details of the stories.
Which made them miss the intent.
More work was needed to help them relate how to take the same techniques to deescalate a frustrating situation or client negotiation.
Even a few sentences would have helped make that connection.
I didn't realize it wasn't working until it was too late.
It was a bit ironic.
The hostage negotiators used storytelling to bring the hostage takers closer to them.
But the stories in these dinners pushed participants away.
This was the point of conducting a training pilot – to see what worked and didn’t.
And in this case more work was needed to make these stories relatable and impactful.
It isn’t enough to tell a story.
Stories have to start with the audience.
Think about what you want them to know or do – and what might get in the way of that.
Build your stories with those outcomes in mind.
Skip the step and you risk the story flopping.
***
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p.s. For those reading this and thinking “But Waco was a catastrophe!” you are correct. Gary said the whole thing fell apart because the SWAT teams got impatient and rushed entry. He describes it in his book: Stalling for Time: My life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator.
p.p.s. The title is from the movie “Point Break.” While an FBI Agent, Keanu Rives’ character is not a hostage negotiator. But it makes a great title. 😊
When you are ready, there are three ways I can help you with storytelling:
Keynotes: Edutainment - these sessions entertain and educate, building your awareness on the science of storytelling and how to begin building your toolkit of stories for any settings.
Workshops: Interactive virtual and in person experiences to help your organization learn how to scientifically hack the art of storytelling.
Coaching: Are you a member of the C-suite or Head of a Business Unite? Do you have a significant meeting or presentation coming up and need help developing your stories? Individual sessions to help you learn to tell stories that inform, influence and inspire.
